Letter Testimony

Hello. My name is Sarah and I am a compulsive hoarder.
I contacted Abacus after 8 months of inpatient psychiatric care for severe anxiety and hoarding.
I have always been a “collector”. As a child I had a messy bedroom, fill of things that meant something to me, but to anyone else would be junk. I could never throw things away and would often cry at being made to clear my room. It was a reaction to being abused. Stuff made me feel safe. When I was fostered and then adopted, it meant I belonged and my stuff was me.
Student life continued in the same vein, typically messy student. I hoarded books and papers and journals. Clearing out my flat took an entire week.
As an adult renting a house that was inspected every six months, the week before inspection was terrifying. Cupboards crammed full and things hidden everywhere.
Then I bought my own house and it started to go downhill. On the outside I was a clean neat person who held a respectable job as a teacher. On the inside I was increasingly anxious and not coping with the stress, and the hoarding started to take over. There was no one thing that I hoarded, it was a combination of junk, that made me feel safe.
And then came the day where I couldn’t leave the house. I was signed off sick with anxiety and depression and that was it. I couldn’t leave the house even to go to the wheelie bin, food shopping was delivered and left on the mat outside until I could work up the courage to open the door to bring it in.
And the rubbish got worse and higher and smellier. The bedroom became unusable it was full, and you couldn’t see the bed, let alone sleep in it.
So then I moved to the sofa with a sleeping bag. Tried to keep myself as clean as I could though even the shower and the sink became unusable. I was “washing” with dry shampoo and baby wipes. I honestly believed I would never get out and never get my house back, it was too far gone.
The day I decided to kill myself was the day my abuser got out of prison. I phoned an ambulance and got them to come and get me. The ambulance drivers visibly recoiled at the smell and had to sedate me to get me out of the house. I was admitted under section to a psychiatric unit where I spent 8 months, working on anxiety and hoarding behaviours.
Discharge started to be talked about but it was clear that I couldn’t go home till I got my house sorted and that became a condition of my discharge.
I emailed several companies. It was a pretty desperate email, including the fact that I have a phone phobia and so I couldn’t speak.
I had several emails back. Some tried to call me anyway. Some quoted me prices I could never have afforded.
Then Abacus popped into my inbox with Carol, and saying that they could clear the house no problem and quoted what turned out to be an incredible price. I was dealt with so sensitively and there was no judgement or shame put onto me, Abacus genuinely wanted to help.
Emails went back and forth and sorted out what the job would entail. Carol made herself my point of contact throughout, meaning it was safe to say what was happening, and how I was feeling. Seeing the photos and testimonials on their website helped and Carol assured me they wouldn’t let me down. I posted the key to Carol and she booked me in.
On the day a team of 3 men including Bill, the owner of the business were at my house. They were in an unmarked van and said nothing to my neighbours about what was going on, meaning my secret was safe.
Carol texted me throughout the day giving me updates and asking questions about things that they found, did I want them or not, could they do this, I was still in control of it. Day two was the same, updates and reassurance. I also had asked for the cleaning service too and again questions and suggestions were made.
One of the things that attracted me to Abacus was their policy never to fly tip and to recycle as much as possible, including giving anything suitable to charity.
Still in the unit, Carol sent me photos. Wow, it looked amazing. Gone were the piles of rotten rubbish and worthless junk. Gone were the flies and insects.
Nothing though prepared me for seeing it for the first time. It was absolutely incredible. It was clean, clear and I could get in every room! The bathroom suite was gleaming white like new and everything left was neatly stacked and sorted, I had a second chance.
Overcoming my phone phobia to call Carol to tell her how stunned I was was a emotional experience, I’m not sure who was more nervous – that’s how much Carol wanted to do a good job.
If you are reading this, there is hope, you can recover and there is no shame in needing help. I can’t recommend Abacus highly enough – they really are specialists in helping hoarders. They are trustworthy, reliable and sensitive. Carol, Bill and team helped me change my life, literally. Please call them. They will help.